Barton Bridge to Buffalo Joes via Bearsden

This tour diary is dedicated to the life of Harpur, a faithful companion of 14 years who slipped away peacefully on 20 April 2007. My beautiful four-legged friend, you will never be forgotten.

Apologies for taking so long to post details of ‘Lads on Tour 2007’. My internet connection has been sporadic at best. Indeed, whilst strolling through the picturesque village of Luss, Dave joked as to whether he too could become the owner of a non-working 3G state of the art source of technological wizardry.

For the purpose of ease, my mate Dave, (who does not post on www.oneofthethree.co.uk) will be referred to simply as Dave, whilst Dave Brown will be referred to as ‘2 pies’ for reasons that he may explain, if pressed.

Following the two crazy round trips from Manchester to London for the warm-up shows, Tuesday 17 April finally arrived and at last, the start of the real tour. Planning had been meticulous and all consuming for the previous month. So meticulous that each pair of socks was labeled by day of intended wearing.

The Dublin trip was not an official part of ‘Lads on Tour 2007’ and the events (and accompanying pictures) have already been fully chronicled elsewhere on www.oneofthethree.co.uk. Suffice it to say that meeting the band members was not the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I wasn’t especially keen on having my photo taken with them but they were most insistent! Those who should be mentioned in dispatches are ‘2 pies’, Tonyr7, Folklore, Leftoutofhiswill, Tinyminx, Honest Joe (and his gig buddy), Sweezley (and his gig buddy) and the Mexicans.

Next stop Carlisle and after lunching at Ma Brown’s, Dave ‘2 pies’ in the passenger seat and your lunatic writer at the wheel headed to the historic town of Newton-Le-Willows to collect Dave who had arrived from North Wales on the 14:21 hundred hours pm in the afternoon train. Despite the fact that ‘2 pies’ is attending all nine shows on the current tour and I am taking in seven, we were undeterred from exploring the possibility of watching james in both Turkey and Greece (cashflow permitting). Things took a huge turn for the worst when the surly receptionist at the unnamed Carlisle hotel (four letters beginning with an ‘I’) informed us that the room was a double. Despite our protestations, there was no escaping the fact that a night of ‘top-to-toe’ sleeping was to lay ahead as the hotel was fully booked. A ten year friendship was about to reach a new level of intimacy. We later found out from Sweezley that had we complained more vociferously then we would have been moved to a nearby hotel. Perhaps the friendship between Sweezley and his traveling companion had not yet reached that level of understanding and trust.

The agreed pre-gig meeting point was the fine watering hole known to locals as The Turf. Possibly due to the fact that the pub actually goes by this name. A certain young lady from Wrexham (Jenny) no doubt felt very comfortable in a pub called The Turf (a private joke for people of North Wales, sorry!). Both Dave and myself wish Wrexham Football Club all the very best in their survival plight. Also to be mentioned in dispatches are, Bon and Mrs Bon, '2 pies', suestipestalker, (and their 2 friends) and Barkill who all watched as Dave demolished a plate of ham and eggs. And at the gig itself, Stewart, Peterrugby, Chris and jamesreunited.

The gig itself has been well covered in other threads so I will go for a two word review. Fookin’ top!! Walking away from the venue, Barkhill enquired as to whether we “fancied a late night pint”. Various phrases such as Does a bear s**t in the woods? Do fish p**s in the sea? Do one legged ducks swim in circles? Is the pope a Nazi? sprang to mind as a response to this question but a simple ‘yes’ sufficed. A good job he didn't mention that the night would have to be ended with shots of black sambuca or we may have declined his invitation! We covered quite some ground in the ensuing 3 hours taking in such far-ranging subject areas as meeting Mr Booth, the wasted talent of various young football protégés and Barkill’s illustrious career as a Liverpool DJ. We left Barkill in the local kebab establishment at 2am with much doffing of caps and due respect being offered given that his train journey to work was a mere 4 hours away!! Nice one Barkill.

Given that this was the first (and hopefully last) time that either of us had shared a bed with another man, a good night’s sleep was had and our friendship remained in tact.
We left Carlisle bound for The Troaaschs (hasn’t Scotland got lovely Trossachs?!) at 11:30am but after several minutes decided that we really ought to get in the car and drive given the 95 mile journey which was to lie ahead. Approaching the Erskine toll bridge I enquired as to whether Dave had any Scottish currency. The burst of comedy which followed reduced me to tears of uncontrollable laughter but doesn’t work when committed to paper so will remain between the two people who shared it. All I will say is that Dave could quite easily be compared with such comedy luminaries as Russ Abbot!

Lunch was taken at Colquhoun Arms Hotel, Luss and plates of Scampi & Chips and Gammon & Chips were duly ordered along with the obligatory bread rolls (for chip butty making purposes). The bread never materialized and I was dispatched to enquire as to its whereabouts. After searching the entire ground floor, I finally found our delightful waitress enjoying a fine luncheon – 2 bread rolls! Just my little joke, lunch was superb.

There followed a period of picture taking and quiet contemplation at the sheer majesty of our surroundings.

Upon leaving Loch Lomond, my only instruction to my on board navigation system (i.e. Dave) was that we must remain North of the City of Glasgow. Boy did we manage that! At one point I’m sure I spotted John O'Groats himself. If it wasn't him then it was someone who looked very like him! The winding country roads took us through such exotic locations as Milngavie, Hillfoot and Bearsden. Special mention must go to Bearsden which we concluded has the most fit birds per square foot (or MFBPSF to give it a catchier title) in the Northern hemisphere.

The meandering landscape tested my limited driving skills to the full, not helped by a suicidal motorbike rider who decided that his time had come. Man and machine briefly parted from the road Evil Knievel style and I am glad that Dave was alert to the danger, screaming at me to take preventative measures. At one point there was a fork in the road which was unusual as you do not normally find a mountain goat to have such impeccable table manners requiring the use of cutlery. Like a moth around a light, we circled the town of Killintilloch for what seemed to be several days. The town should really be renamed Killintime and as afternoon slowly turned to evening, I have to admit that for the only time on the tour, the morale in the car dipped below euphoria. However, we were not to be swayed from our relentless and determined pursuit of our destination.

Special mention goes out to the Co-op in Lennoxtown at which we stopped for the necessary provisions for Recovery Day (Friday). For those of you interested in detail, the list of items purchased was:

One pack of Aberdeen Angus beef sandwiches
One triple pack of Chicken, stuffing and red onion sandwiches
One box of cooked cocktail sausages
One large pork pie
One large tube of Paprika Pringles (to which we were drawn due to the recent release of this fine flavouring)
One large tube of Cheese and Onion Pringles (for the traditionalist amongst us)
One toffee yoghurt
One strawberry and cream yoghurt
One six pack of original lucozade
One six pack of orange lucozade (to take full advantage of the BOGOF ‘buy one get one free’ offering)
One copy of Loaded magazine
One copy of Zoo magazine

In what seemed like merely days, we finally arrived at the Crowwood hotel in Muirhead, Glasgow and upon arriving at the hotel car park, Dave left the vehicle. This was slightly disconcerting as I had not yet brought the vehicle to a halt. I have no doubt that his sense of urgency was based on his keenness to establish the sleeping arrangements after the Carlisle disaster of the night before. Our concerns were very quickly assuaged and the biggest cheer of the tour was reserved for the moment that we spotted that the room contained not just two beds but also two teaspoons, thus meaning that the eating of yoghurt would not have to be staggered.

Despite acute exhaustion, it would have been rude not to have sampled the sights and sounds of the fine City of Glasgow. Our taxi driver had heard of james, which was a bonus and didn’t ask if it was “that bloke who sang Sit Down”. He was also happy to offer suggestions as to where we could enjoy alcoholic beverages. Maybe he had had word of our bed sharing exploits of the previous night because he neglected to mention the wondrous delights of the legendary Buffalo Joes. Rather than go into detail, I have decided to merely offer a link to the website for those who wish to discover more! Attempting to describe the mesmerizing affect of the sights on offer would simply not do it justice.

www.buffalojoes.co.uk

Time for a Pringle.

We named Friday as Recovery Day having caned it hard for three nights running. There is very little to report on the events of the daylight hours and the following few bullet points sum up a day spent in a hotel room:

Television – Home & Away, Loose Women, Neighbours
Music – The Beatles, Badly Drawn Boy, The Charlatans, Richard Hawley and David Bowie
Magazines – perusing the aforementioned lads mags
Phonecall – giving me the news which led to the dedication at the top of this journal

I feel I must mention that Recovery Day was also Dave’s 40th birthday. Despite the enormity of the occasion, he seemed genuinely happy to spend the day as described above, whilst relishing the prospect of spending the evening of his big day watching our returning heroes.

The evening's gig has been well documented in other threads, in particular, '2 pies' mildly stinging review. I'm glad to see that this has been toned down from what he actually wanted to say in the immediate aftermath of the gig! The celebratory nature of the show was a perfect way for Dave to end his birthday. Another visit to Buffalo Joes was inevitable and despite exhaustion having well and truly kicked in by this stage, the entertainment on offer was never going to fail to bring us round!

Saturday saw an early start and 'Lads Tour 2007' ended when I dropped Dave off at Warrington Bank Quay railway station. The epic drive saw the speed limit fractured on a number of occasions as the car ate up 214 miles. I went on to watch Oldham Athletic lose in dismal fashion but that, dear reader, is a story for another day.

Apologies to anybody who has been missed out and a massive thanks to Dave for his company, humour and co-writing skils.